'Bored to death' and other annoying funeral puns | Shit Girl ...

?So, you?re a mortician? Didya ever hear that?s a dead end job????

I swear I must hear this about 10+ times a week. When I?m working more often, its way more. We really need to get some more ?witty? funeral jokes, because this one is killing me. HA! Get it?? Ugh, moving on.

I have seen a few different blogs/articles about how to approach families when a death occurs (check out this one, written by funeral blogger Caleb Wilde, http://www.calebwilde.com/2012/08/how-to-speak-the-language-of-grief/) this blog has some great examples of things you should not be saying to a family, but what about us funeral directors? What are some things we wish people didn?t say to us? Hitting below the belt, making silly jokes, and poking fun at us for doing a job I doubt many people could handle is fustrating. Especially since we can?t always use a comeback we want to, depending on the person. So I composed a little list of things you should NOT say to a funeral director upon meeting one. If you do ask this, expect either a calm, collected answer, maybe an uncomfortable smile, and *hopefully* not hands wrapped aroud your neck choking you.

1. Stated above?the ?dead end job? joke JUST NEEDS TO DIE. Literally. I know sometimes families say it to pick up the mood when everyone comes into a funeral home, in the sake of just getting someone else to crack a smile, but I think we are all in agreement?we need a new joke.

2. Necrophelia. Anything related. PLEASE. Just refrain from doing it. Its gross, insulting, and makes things realllllly akward. I always get this when I am in a super relaxed setting,? (a bar), and people are a little relaxed (drunk). Nothing is a bigger buzz kill when you are in a group of people. Its weird enough they all know what you do for work, but that just crosses the line.

3. ?Ew! You touch dead people?? And you just shook my hand?? Got any Purell?? Yes?this has happened to me. Ouch. Its pretty mean. I?m sure my funeral home?s prep room is cleaner than the doctor office/hospital you go to. This one is just common courtesy.

4. ?Whats the nasiest thing you have ever seen?? This is one of the first questions most people ask me. I know we are all morbidly curious, but its a bit crude, especially if you are in a public setting, and hearing a work story may be a bit offensive to some. This is where learning the ?language? comes in handy..meaning how to word things so they are a bit PC, gentle and not vulgar. Remember..not everyone could handle hearing it, even if they are the one to ask.

5. ?I bet people are dying to meet you!? Yes asshole, I?m sure they are, since that is where people want to be?dead and in a funeral home. UGH. Self-control is a?VERY good thing to have when you are asked this. Its another one of those sayings that you will hear a billion times in your life, so its best to smile, and just keep your mouth shut.

6. ?So, like, you cut the body up, take out everything and drain the blood?? This is what most people perceive the embalming process to be like. When I was in Mortuary school, one of my professors told the class that one of our responsibilities is to educate the public about our job, to win back the shady reputation we have gotten over the years, and provide accurate information. Its the same as #4?just watch your language, and you can tell people what you are doing in a way thats easier to take. This question is something that a lot of families may ask when they meet with you to make arrangements, and its understandable?they do want a little explanation of what it is if they are planning a public viewing and are giving permission for embalming?whether its a family or some douche at a bar, I give the same PC explanation. Keep it simple, not too graphic.

Last, and my favorite?.

7. ?EW! Why would you do something like that??? Why does anyone do a job they feel strongly about doing? Ask that to a EMT who is saving your life, or the plumber who is unclogging the unsightly amount of hair from all the women in your house, the garbage man or septic worker. ?Dirty jobs? are not for everyone, but we rely on them. I think saying something like this comes from people who are scared of death and most likely has not had a very personal encounter with death. If they did, they woudn?t be asking such an offensive question.

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This blog is about my adventures and experiences with death, dying, and the smelly aftermath of it all.

Source: http://shitgirlmorticianssay.wordpress.com/2012/08/31/bored-to-death-and-other-annoying-funeral-puns/

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